Don’t Be Fooled with being “Fine”

Written by: Jeremy Baumhower

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My least favorite day happens every other week.

Having my kids half-of-the-time is a type of pain you get used to, but doesn’t go away. My AD.D. serves me best when they are not in my home– There are some moments where you almost forget… almost.

Monday mornings are always a reminder of the type of life we have together. After spending 5 days together, it feels like it should and once did. Then in a flash– you have to pack their bags, tell them to behave and kiss them all goodbye. I don’t know why it affects me in such a way because they’ll return in 48 hours, but it does. It always does.

These “goodbye mornings” riddle my heart with sadness and guilt that my kids have two homes, two completely different lives; A fact I cannot fix.  The time-traveling Delorean must of been the dream of a person with a co-parenting schedule.

My house goes from crazy chaos to stillness. The calm can be deafening, even maddening. My house once packed with youtube videos, arguments, tattle telling over sneaked snacks and little ones ringing the doorbell becomes a ghost town where it appears my children made a dash for it in the middle of the night.

There are some times where my face carries a smile when we say our goodbyes, but I find those fewer and fewer as they get older.

My eight year-old Joeli joked last night that in ten years… “she was outta here” and we laughed. It seems like such a long way away, but I know it isn’t. For them it will be ten years, but for me, it will be five.

If you were ever considering or even fantasizing about getting a divorce and have children, these are the mornings no one warns you about.

Yes, my children are “fine”, they’ve adjusted to a life never imagined when they were born. But you as the parent… are never “fine”.

“Fine” is an acceptable way to describe a life that has figured out how to live with a pain– it’s a medical diagnosis we give ourselves. When my kids and I are together, you’ll never hear me say that word… it’s my least favorite, least accurate.

I think the word “Fine” is tainted because it’s the only repeating group of letters you hear when considering a divorce.

“You’ll be fine.”

“Your kids will be fine.”

“Everything will be fine.”

Who wants to live life where everything is just fine?

Let me tell you from personal experience, “fine” sucks.

Before you secretly sign up on Tinder or accept a friend request on Facebook you know you shouldn’t– try to imagine saying good-bye to your kids every week for the rest of their lives.

If you still have the strength to hit “accept”, you are a stronger person than me.

Think before you “Friend”.

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Columnist, Writer for Radio Shows across the US & Canada, Promoter, Believer, Father

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Posted in Baumhower, Column, Facebook, FAIL, Family, Fatherhood, Feels, Funny, Life, Motherhood, Parenting
4 comments on “Don’t Be Fooled with being “Fine”
  1. mk says:

    “Fine” does suck. Even though I have sole custody, I didn’t sign up to a part time parent, wasn’t my choice. Saying goodbye even though you know they are coming back is difficult still and its been 9 years on this “schedule”.

    Like

  2. JT says:

    I am glad that my parents got divorced because their relationship was so unhealthy and growing up in a home where there are constant fights is not good for a kid. I was 5 when my parents divorced and I remember a lot of screaming … I even remember a door having a hole kicked into it while I stood there watching all of this. It was very intense and painful, even for a five year old. As I grew up and began to understand the circumstances, I understood why it happened and I love my parents for trying to give me a better life. That being said, it was never “fine” seeing my dad 2 weekends a month. It was never “fine” going to my dad’s for 2 weeks a summer. Those things never got easier and since my parents lived 40 mins from each other, as I got old I saw my dad less and less and that was the hardest part.

    Like

  3. jamie says:

    I tried to explain to my daughter the other day that I understand why she wants me and her dad to live together again, but just because she wishes it would happen does not mean it would be better. It always sucks, especially on birthdays and holidays and mornings and nights and everytime they are away.

    Like

  4. k8downie says:

    A very honest post from a Father’s perspective. Thank you for sharing. I often work with kids who have parents that are divorced and rarely have the opportunity to hear a parent’s viewpoint.

    Like

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jeremybaumhower

jeremybaumhower

Columnist, Writer for Radio Shows across the US & Canada, Promoter, Believer, Father

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