EDITOR’S NOTE: I received this communication late last night from a friend I’ve know for over two decades. She is a local mom going through the darkest of times with a child. She is looking for help, believes she may need a a miracle.
To protect all those involved I have decided to call this 12 year-old girl “Hope”.
Written by: “Hope’s Mom”
I really don’t know why I feel compelled to write to you, nor do I expect a reply.
In my head I am writing like a journal, however I know there are human eyes and a human heart at the end of this thread.
My fear for my daughter has turned into my nightmare today. I have watched my 12 year old daughter ride through her life in a series of peaks and deep valleys- fearful without speaking of it publicly, that she seemed to hold the potential of hurting someone with the anger and hate she carries in her heart some days. When all she can “see” is black.
Witnessing the meds, the therapists and the doctors only reach her for a brief moment. The glory of when she is the girl I know she can be and the frustration, sadness and anger when she is lost in herself.
I didn’t realize just how vulnerable and lost she was/is too. Tonight my HOPE is in lockdown at **********Hospital’s *** floor. Suicide attempt.
I truly believe I failed her while trying to help her. I didn’t see it! I didn’t see it coming! I was so lost in fear that she would hurt someone else, that I never thought for a moment she could hurt herself! Why didn’t I see it??? Why did I fail her??? Why is she so angry and sad???
How do I save her from herself now???
I don’t want to bury my baby… I would rather die for her to save her life if that’s what it takes.
When she is herself, my beautiful bright shining girl with a laugh and smile that could move heaven and earth- I see her amazing future. I want her to see that same future and she sees none. How could I be so blind to the pain she has been suffering???
Please, God, if you could just answer one prayer- save my little girl and show me the way to help her. Please! I’m screaming inside… I don’t know what the words are, but they are ripping through my chest like an untamed wildfire. I miss her, I need her. She can’t leave us. She has too much to do on this earth, I just need the guidance to show her the way… she’s just a baby.
NOTE: Hope’s Mom will be reading this post, looking for comments, ideas.. anything that might help. Can you give “Hope” some hope?