The Search for “Hope”: A Mom’s Struggle with her 12 Year-Old Girl is asking for advice and prayers #Hope4Hope

EDITOR’S NOTE:  I received this communication late last night from a friend I’ve know for over two decades.  She is a local mom going through the darkest of times with a child.  She is looking for help, believes she may need a a miracle. 

To protect all those involved I have decided to call this 12 year-old girl “Hope”.

5027923_orig

Written by: “Hope’s Mom”

I really don’t know why I feel compelled to write to you, nor do I expect a reply.

In my head I am writing like a journal, however I know there are human eyes and a human heart at the end of this thread.

My fear for my daughter has turned into my nightmare today. I have watched my 12 year old daughter ride through her life in a series of peaks and deep valleys- fearful without speaking of it publicly, that she seemed to hold the potential of hurting someone with the anger and hate she carries in her heart some days. When all she can “see” is black.

Witnessing the meds, the therapists and the doctors only reach her for a brief moment. The glory of when she is the girl I know she can be and the frustration, sadness and anger when she is lost in herself.

I didn’t realize just how vulnerable and lost she was/is too. Tonight my HOPE is in lockdown at **********Hospital’s *** floor. Suicide attempt.

I truly believe I failed her while trying to help her. I didn’t see it! I didn’t see it coming! I was so lost in fear that she would hurt someone else, that I never thought for a moment she could hurt herself! Why didn’t I see it??? Why did I fail her??? Why is she so angry and sad???

How do I save her from herself now???

I don’t want to bury my baby… I would rather die for her to save her life if that’s what it takes.

When she is herself, my beautiful bright shining girl with a laugh and smile that could move heaven and earth- I see her amazing future. I want her to see that same future and she sees none. How could I be so blind to the pain she has been suffering???

Please, God, if you could just answer one prayer- save my little girl and show me the way to help her. Please! I’m screaming inside… I don’t know what the words are, but they are ripping through my chest like an untamed wildfire. I miss her, I need her. She can’t leave us. She has too much to do on this earth, I just need the guidance to show her the way… she’s just a baby.

 

NOTE: Hope’s Mom will be reading this post, looking for comments, ideas.. anything that might help.  Can you give “Hope” some hope?

Advertisements

Columnist, Writer for Radio Shows across the US & Canada, Promoter, Believer, Father

Tagged with: , , , , , ,
Posted in Death, Discussion, education, Family, Feels, Life, Motherhood, News, Parenting, Perrysburg, Toledo
7 comments on “The Search for “Hope”: A Mom’s Struggle with her 12 Year-Old Girl is asking for advice and prayers #Hope4Hope
  1. isabell says:

    I’m so sorry that your hope is hurting so much! Myself, I suffer from severe depression and anxiety its a constant battle to control it! The only advice I have is to pray and ask God to take the burden from your daughter! I will be praying for hope and asking God to heal her! I’m so sorry for everything your gonna through! I promise I will pray for Hope to know Gods love and to comfort you in your darkest hours! God bless Hope

    Like

  2. Bill Geha says:

    I have a group of kids, the PEACE Project that will start writing support letters right away. We will invite her to be part of our team and send her messages of support and prayers

    Like

  3. Erin O'Bryan says:

    I know Bill Geha first hand through my daugher he does amazing things for kids (Hayley’s Mom) I can only wish you the strength for you and your daughter and prayers. Don’t give up on the dr’s if one doesn’t work try another, they don’t all fit perfectly.

    Like

  4. This was messaged to me by a friend after reading about “Hope”..

    I just read about Hope. I chose not to comment on the post because I’ve been in her shoes and it’s a very private matter. Please feel free to copy and paste this anonymously. This will be a long story and I apologize, but there’s no way to shorten it.

    My 14 year old daughter tried to commit suicide two years ago. (She’s 16 now). It was the day after Christmas. My girl wasn’t a sad girl. She was the president of student council voted by her peers, a straight A student, beautiful, and one hell of an athlete. But, she was a perfectionist and keeping up with what she expected of herself grew to be too much. She was depressed. She hid this secret by getting angry with her younger siblings. I didn’t understand the anger. I let it go as typical teenage stuff.

    The day after Christmas two years ago, I took away her laptop because she decided to hit her sister. I’ve never checked the history on her computer; but, that day something compelled me to do so. What I found made me sick to my stomach. Suicide. Many different ways to commit suicide.

    My husband was an RN who worked at a mental health hospital and he didn’t even see this coming. No signs. I called him home from work and we immediately took her to the ER. She didn’t fight us about it which I was expecting. She sat silent in the ER except to answer questions from the staff. I kept looking at her beautiful face wondering how I didn’t see this. This was my baby. I didn’t know she was in pain. What kind of mom am I to not know my baby was hurting? They admitted her into the pediatric psychiatric floor immediately and after all the paperwork we had to say goodbye. I thought for sure this hospital stay would ruin her. The next day we were able to speak with the psychiatrist.

    My baby girl had tried to kill herself several times. She tried hanging herself only to back out before she lost consciousness, she took leftover pain pills to thankfully vomit them back up, and she tried sitting in the car while in the garage with it on but was interrupted by our oldest daughter. At the time, she used the excuse she was listening to the radio. We finally got to see our girl. We sat in her room and it finally happened. She broke down. She sobbed. She sobbed and thanked us for getting her help.

    She was afraid to tell us she felt this way and tried these things because she didn’t want to disappoint us.

    This killed me inside. I sobbed with her as I hugged her tighter than I ever have, reminding her that there is nothing that she could do that would make me disappointed. She spent five days in the hospital. We visited every visitation hour and when they called her name to come to her room, we would watch her walk around the corner with a smile on her face and hug her tight.

    This was two years ago.

    She’s had lapses and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t have a fear of her being alone in her room. When I call her down for dinner and she doesn’t answer, it’s the first thing that goes through my mind. This is a battle that will always be there for her. We have to always be ready to listen, pay attention, and notice even the smallest of signs so that we never lose the battle.

    Depression is a terrible disease. It needs treated and it needs recognized as disease more than it is. Teenagers have too much pressure on them. School, sports, other activities, and peer pressure to fit in. We found out through counseling that our girl was being bullied by some jealous, hateful little girls and that was put her over the edge.

    Today our girl has a 4.2 gpa, plays a varsity sport, does lots of community service, and has found ways of coping. However, the depression is still there. Meds and counseling help. My husband and I are very open with her and communicate with her very freely about everything. We hope our girl will win this battle with depression. And we will fight along side of her.

    Like

  5. Melissa White says:

    There are so many feelings and ups and downs people with depression and bipolar disease go through. It’s the hardest thing for someone who doesn’t feel what we do to understand. To feel like an alien in a world where normal is so hard. Don’t give up! Keep trying new things and doctors. You have to find the right one to reach her. Any questions any time you can ask.

    Like

  6. Jeremy,

    I like the fill-in name “HOPE”.
    I have a giant decal on the back window of my SUV and I have these words tattooed on my right wrist;

    H O P E
    hold on, pain ends

    It is in honor of anti-suicide. My left wrist has a black heart design to support the cause “Draw a Heart On Your Wrist if You’re Against Bullying”. I spent a year drawing a sharpie on my wrist and decided to just to get a tattoo of it. I figured I’d still be against Bullying and would still advocate anti-suicide when I was an old lady, so the tattoos would always be relevant.

    Anyways…

    For Mom, I can only tell you how deeply sorry I am for your pain and suffering. I am reminded of the saying “Of course you would die for your child, but will you live for your child?” It is usually used for parents that aren’t living a life in honor of their children. I don’t believe it to be suitable for you in that context. However, I do feel like it can be applied to your situation in a different context. Choose to live life on life’s terms. I’ve been on both ends of it, as someone desperate enough to consider suicide and as a parent fearing my child would consider it. BOTH are equally terrifying. Luckily, there are MANY resources that can and will help you and your daughter.

    Here are 2 of the very BEST:

    http://www.standforthesilent.org

    121Help.me
    855.201.2121
    Private & COnfidential
    121help.me counselors are trained and have lots of experience listening to young people. Counselors know it takes courage to call. You can trust them. They have heard everything and will not be shocked by anything you’d like to talk about.

    I wish you the very best. Reaching out for help is exactly what you needed to do! This is above what we as parents are prepared for. Jeremy was a perfect resource to access! I will keep you and your Daughter in my thoughts and held close to my heart. You’re doing the right thing, Momma, keep it up! ❤

    Like

  7. Wendy Nanthan says:

    Hope IS what is needed. Give her hope that she won’t always feel this way. Let the doctor’s do their best to treat her and make sure she is getting counseling. Those closest tend not to see the warning signs of suicide. Do not spend hours blaming yourself. She is in the safest place she can be right now. There are many suicide prevention resources on the web. NAMI, American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, JED foundation, and Half of Us, are good resources. She is lucky to have a mom that loves her so much. If family counseling is needed, jump in. I am a therapist in Toledo, Ohio and if you want more resources, contact me at wendy.nathan@mercycollege.edu.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow iHeartGlassCity on WordPress.com
Follow iHeartGlassCity on Twitter

Give us your email address and receive updates from "I <3 Glass City". Thank you for your support!

Join 3,394 other followers

jeremybaumhower

jeremybaumhower

Columnist, Writer for Radio Shows across the US & Canada, Promoter, Believer, Father

View Full Profile →

iHeartGlassCity Contributors
%d bloggers like this: