Grayczyk: Grace for the Good Girl (and Boy) in All of Us

Written by: Shari Grayczyk

Ah….Grace for the Good Girl.

That’s the book I’m reading. It’s written by Emily Freeman, and holy smokes, it resonates with me.

Not the, ‘I need to be a good girl in order to get into heaven,’ kind of resonate.

And not the, ‘I’m a worrier with fears and anxieties that my ‘good girl’ image in not controlling’ kind of resonate.


Rather, the ‘Let’s let grace pour out boundless acceptance into my worn out heart and totally undo me, kind of resonate.

The, ‘releasing my tight hold on that familiar, try hard life, leaning my weight heavy into the love of Jesus,’ kind of resonate.

It totally reminds me of Stasi Eldredge’s book, Captivating, whose study I taught for many years. Tapping into the deep mysteries of the feminine soul in order to recapture her heart. It reminds me that almost every woman desires to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a heroic adventure and to have a beauty all her own to unveil.

When I look at the movies I love and remember the games I played as a little girl, I need to remember that these heart-felt desires are God-given and are telling me the truth about who I am as a woman and the role I am meant to play.

Image       Image     Image

And most importantly……

I should not feel guilty for having them.

Wow! That’s a lot of femininity wrapped up in the last paragraph.

Kind of deep. I know. But it’s true. Even down to the last syllable.

Give me a woman who doesn’t want to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a heroic adventure and have a beauty all her own, and I’ll give you a great price on land in the Crimea. I mean, very few exist. There may be some women, somewhere in our galaxy, that do not resonate with these wants, but I know that God created most, if not all, women alike (to some degree), with virtually the same wants, desires and needs.

So…….as long as we are human, we females have a lot to discover about ourselves.

I think my generation is virtually the last generation who really feels the need to tap into their femininity. I mean, Gloria Steinhem (uggh—I don’t even like writing her name),

The Pro Abortion proponents (out to let women kill unborn women)

Planned Parenthood (run by women not supporting other women)

Anti-Vietnam women (definitely not my generation)

Thank God, I was the generation after this. And the generation after mine—the current generation—well, let me just say that femininity doesn’t appear to be a priority.

I’ve tried to teach my tomboy daughters how to tap into their feminine spirits.

How to get that ‘Grace for the Good Girl,’ without always having to be a good girl.

To their credit, they always want to change the definition of good girl.

By doing so, they are constantly challenging me.

Playing with my mind.

I mean, I thought ‘good girls’ didn’t get tattoos.



I’m a ‘good girl,’ and so are my daughters, and yet……guess who led the line with that experience?  It was definitely a freeing moment.

Back to my thoughts.

I thought ‘good girls’ didn’t get body piercings.


Wrong, again.

I thought ‘good girls’ didn’t speak out of turn

Or get involved in controversial topics

Were always nice and polite

And the list goes on…….

I really, really, have been mistaken.

Apparently, I have not extended God’s fully imparted grace to myself for being a self proclaimed ‘good girl.’

So, at 51 years of age, I have begun to extend myself grace. More than I ever have.

•That grace that God had intended for me to have and accept all along

•That grace that allows me to break the molds that I have placed myself into

(I have to admit, I love that one)

•Grace to lounge around in the evenings, laying on a hammock, watching endless movies—all while the housework waits and dinner is served late

•Grace to, yes, get a tattoo with my daughters, to get a third ear piercing, to become controversially involved in politics and the pro life moment, to speak against injustice and to actually confront.


Confront. Yep. Confrontation doesn’t have to always be a bad girl thing.

Wow! There’s a lot of freedom in grace.


Especially when you’re a ‘good girl,’ like me.

I’ll take it.

I hope you have not only accepted God’s freely given grace-card and that you are living in that freedom.

If not,

Consider it.

I’m sure you’ll be glad you did.


Hi. I’m Shari. I’m a Grants Accountant at UT, Missionary to Jamaica, Christ-follower, High School and College girls mentor, writer, author, and the owner of many dogs. I will be traveling to Modolva in June, 2014, as a Missionary, as well. I adore single parenting my three young adult children—Joy (22) is a Senior Majoring in Special Education at UT; Bethany (21) is a 4th year student Double Majoring in Bio-Engineering and Mechanical Engineering at UT. Jonathan (18) recently graduated from Cardinal Stritch High School and is getting ready to Play Soccer for and Double Major in Chemistry/Physics and Education in the Fall, 2014, at Bluffton University. I love the Lord, my family, my boyfriend and friends—in that order. I am passionate about writing, homeschooling, mentoring, saving unborn babies, helping struggling young moms, and Jesus.

Posted in Column, Religion

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